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Jonah Engler Shares Tips On How To Make Your Marriage Work

Marriages are made in heaven they say but what happens when there is trouble in paradise; then its all here and needs to be solved on earth. Unlike most other relationships that we are born with, there are two relationship

s that we get to decide on our own. The first is friendship -we always have the liberty and choice to decide who to make friends with. The second is love and marriage – we almost always get to decide who we wish to get married to. However, that is not to say there will not be difficulties or problems that we will face in each of these relationships. While friendship for most part is a smooth sailing the same cannot be said about marriages.

Common Marital Problems

There are not just different kind of problems in a marriage but even some issues that are extraordinary circumstances. Divorce truly comes when the stock of love is exhausted in a relationship and two people no longer walk together. But what needs to be understood are the causes or factors that made them walk down separate paths.

  • Lack of understanding and empathy where many times spouses find a complete disinterest in one another’s life and work. In fact, there are times when one person may be disdainful about the other person’s nature of work.
  • Spending less to no time together is another reason for marital problems and divorce. There is a common problem that the other person finds no time for his or her partner. A mutual need to spend time together should be created and maintained right from the start. Falling apart is natural if they gradually move on their own ways.
  • Work life stress may be an important factor that leads to irritable behavior and even domestic violence in some cases. Reported cases that have been investigated have often found a disturbed work life being a cause of the violence at home.
  • A lack of trust is often created when both or one of the spouses in a marriage act secretively and seem dubious. In some cases, it has been found that such people have actually started an extra marital affair or a relationship outside of their marriage. This leads to a complete breakup of the trust between couples and marriages often knock on divorces courts.
  • In some cases, it has been seen that couples who marry very young in age often end up on their own separate paths to success. They want different things from life and have different goals which makes it impossible for them to share a life together or even understand each other. It is possible that these couples did not realize this huge difference when they were young and inexperienced at the time of marriage; even if these couples can stay as friends sometimes they can never be a married couple perfectly well.

Consequences OF A Divorce

According to Jonah Engler, couples need to weigh in several considerations properly before both the spouses decide on pressing the divorce button. There are several legal and financial aspects that need to be understood clearly.  Once the process gets started there may be no scope of looking back. Needless to say, the experience will be painstakingly disturbing and affect not just themselves but even those they love around them.

  • The fights over divorce cases can be long drawn and bitter and have serious consequences on the mental and financial conditions of both spouses.
  • Legal battles are usually time consuming and extremely strenuous on everybody. It takes a heavy toll on both parties when it comes to division of property and separation of assets.
  • The cost of legal battles can be very high; couples often find it difficult to continue with their court battles which weighs down heavily on their personal income and bank balance.
  • The main sufferers in a divorce case are very often the children. They are usually little to young and are made to choose one of the two parents when both are important for them.

How Can You Make Your Marriage Work?

It is not impossible to make your marriage work. The only pre-requisite as Jonah Engler says is to expect realistically. No relationship is ever free from dispute or differences. However, in the event of a discord it is important to set aside egos and work sincerely to find a solution.

  • Time is perhaps the first casualty of a marriage. It is the lack of it that takes the love out of a relationship and perhaps spending quality time can breathe in some oxygen back into the relationship.
  • Enjoying activities together will be time well spent. It helps to connect and communicate with one another which is very important.
  • Communication and the ability to talk through things is not only a sign of maturity but also a sign of willingness to work things through. Talking to each other especially about the problems between them, helps couples break down those high walls of ego and diffidence.
  • Mutual love is important and so is mutual respect not just for the person but even for their qualities of character and professional endeavor. The wife staying at home as a mother and homemaker deserves every bit of the same acknowledgement as the husband who is going out for work and the bread earner in the family.

A Bad Marriage Or A Healthy Divorce?

This is a critical question but interestingly for some marriages the answer is easy – a divorce is better than animosity between couples; this is especially true for those couples who have one or more children between them. Their fights are not only destroying their relationship but affecting their children’s emotional stability as well.

How Can Divorced Parents Work It Out For Their Children

It may seem or sound impossible but sometimes divorced parents are better as persons in the life of their children than they were as a married couple.

  • They can be present together for any important occasion in their children’s lives and remain as a pillar of strength and support.
  • Divorced parents often become friends without the baggage of their emotional instabilities. This can be very healthy for their children who appreciate their differences as well as being there for them.
  • Parents can come to an understanding to be there for their children when they plan annual holidays and weekly outings. This helps to maintain a normalcy for their children especially when they are very young and do not understand the notions of the adult world.

Divorces can never be the solution to a problem especially couples who have children whose lies will be impacted by their decisions. However, these things happen and couples can only make it better for their own well being and that of their children’s.

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